“Having many things to write to you, I did not wish to do so with paper and ink; but I hope to come to you and speak face to face, that our joy may be full.” –The Second Epistle of John 12

The above passage shows that John the Apostle clearly knew the importance of human interaction.  He wrote his short letter to reinforce what he already taught the community he pastored, not to send a long conversation.  He emphasized how meeting with the community face to face would be the time everyone was most joyful.

This illustrates something essential; the best way for us to communicate is the way we were designed to communicate: by speaking to each other face to face.  This builds and strengthens our relationships.  What John the Apostle said about speaking face to face as opposed to writing letters can be applied to speaking face to face today as opposed to using social media and text messaging, which are like writing letters in John’s day.

I discussed these observations with a friend of mine, W. Wen, and I had a very insightful conversation that inspired today’s article.  We discussed that when it comes to modern digital communication, there are two major drawbacks:

1. It is natural to break the rules of social engagement when communicating digitally

In a regular face to face conversation like the one John the Apostle looked forward to, the person sitting with us will ask a question, discuss an idea, or mention a story while we give our full attention, then we will reply after listening to and thinking about what he said.  If someone interrupts us, then that is considered rude behavior.  And if we ignore the person talking to us, then we are rude as well.  These are the rules of social engagement.

Unfortunately, breaking these rules happens regularly when we text or use social media to communicate.  The senders expect the receivers to reply immediately, and the receivers take their time to reply, or they do not reply at all.

2. Digital communication is low quality

When we break the rules of social engagement, the quality of communication becomes low.  Quality affects our relationships.  One time, I received a text from a co-volunteer of mine asking if I were available to volunteer for a project, which I did not believe had any vision at the time.  In addition, I knew I had a meeting coming up later that week, the time of which was still to be determined, so I did not reply right away.  Within a few minutes, I received another text asking me if I had received the first text and why I had not replied back.  A few minutes later, I received a voicemail asking me to call back.  Then, the following day I saw that person, and I was cornered and asked the same questions, and I told that person that I had the meeting, and I did not want to schedule anything that I thought would conflict with that meeting.

This event reminded me how senders of text messages want people to reply immediately to their texts regardless of what they are doing, and often, we ourselves, even if we mean well, will break the rules of social engagement.

Luckily, there are three ways to fix these two major drawbacks of digital communication.

1. Moderation is crucial to quality

The ancient Greeks considered moderation to be one of the most important virtues a person can have.  This is because moderation protects us and causes us to grow.  The example of eating demonstrates the power of moderation.  Moderation of food intake causes us to be healthy.  If we eat too much, then we get diseases such as gout, diabetes, heart disease, and high blood pressure.  If we eat too little, we get diseases such as anemia and vitamin deficiency.  Eating just right keeps us healthy and strong.

Another example of moderation is working and productivity.  When people do too little work, their skills deteriorate and the quality of their work suffers.  However, when people do too much work, at the beginning it may seem like they are producing much more, but their skills also deteriorate (because they burn out over the long run), and their work also suffers.  But when a person moderates his level of work, his skills grow, and the quality of work is high and continues to become higher at a constant level of growth.

If we practice the virtue of moderation when it comes to using technology to communicate, the result will be that we will strengthen our relationships with those whom we communicate with using technology.  If we always use texting to communicate with people out of convenience, then our friends out of convenience will not think much of their relationships with us.

2. Change the way you use certain communications

Another way we can avoid the two major drawbacks of digital communication is to use certain types of communications for specific purposes.  For example, we can use text messaging in situations like informing people that we have arrived at a place where we will meet with them.  This is similar to the way John the Apostle used his letters; they were to further reinforce what he already taught or to send a short message before meeting face to face.  When he met face to face, this is when he poured himself out and guided and taught the community.

3. Apply the rules of social engagement to your digital communication

Just as when we see a friend in the middle of a conversation with someone else, we do not interrupt them, but we wait until they are finished before we speak with them, so we should wait patiently for replies to text messages or social media or email.  The same rules that lead to high quality of natural communication will also lead to high quality of digital communication.  The result is we will have better relationships with those whom we care about most.

Have you ever strained a relationship because of a text or message that was taken the wrong way?  Do you sometimes get tired of communicating with your loved ones and friends through digital communications?