“My pain may be the reason for somebody’s laugh. But my laugh must never be the reason for somebody’s pain.” –Charlie Chaplin

Cyberbullying has become such a large phenomenon in the past several years.  This has become especially true since tweens and teenagers have gotten their hands onto smartphones connected to the internet.

Often, I hear people talking about how they and their generation were bullied, and they ended up fine, and how today’s children need to build up some grit.

On the other side, I often hear the people who are cyberbullied, usually tweens and teenagers, explaining how upset they feel, and often times, how they feel like harming themselves or worse.

Cyberbullying is not simply a grit issue or an issue of self-esteem.  It is much more serious than that due to the nature of the bullying and how it is different from pre-digital bullying.

There are three ways cyberbullying is extremely different from the bullying that existed before the digital age, and these differences have somber ramifications for all involved.

1. Cyberbullying does not end when the school day is over

In pre-digital days, bullying usually occurred at schools or other places and ended when we left those places.  When significant time passed, we evenforgot the bullying that took place, and even the bullies.  However, today bullying does not end when one leaves school or a place but it continues afterward into the evening, early night, and even in the middle of the night.  Notifications go off on phones and social media apps alerting those being bullied how their bully has just done something against them online like post a video of the bullied being beat up.

2. Cyberbullying can leave a permanent record

Whereas in the past, the effects of bullying ended with the passage of time, and its effects often faded into memory and became a blur, that is not the case today.  Videos of a person being beat up can remain on the internet for years and spread and become viral and can increase the torment that the people who are bullied feel.

Neuroscience research has shown that the social pain a person feels activates the same areas of the brain as physical pain.  You can read about it here.  Whereas physical pain subsides after time, memories of bullying (social pain) do not do so quickly, and they can be reactivated; reactivation of the memories can cause the brain to activate the brain’s pain centers again.

This is why cyberbullying is extremely dangerous and should not be taken lightly.  People who are systematically cyberbullying do not allow the ones they bully to rest and move on.  Those who are bullied are instead trapped in this cycle.  It is like a person in a fight who is continuously being hit, and not only by one person, but by many, and there is no way to escape.

3. Those who are cyberbullied do not have anyone with enough experience to turn to

Those who are cyberbullied, especially children, often have no one to go to for adequate experience and wisdom.  With pre-digital bullying, we often turned to our parents, pastors, or friends for comfort and advice on how to avoid being bullied, but today, these same people do not have adequate experience to help those who are cyberbullied.

In the end cyberbullying is a vicious cycle that does not allow one to rest.  They are constantly bombarded with the taunts and torments of their bullies online.  In addition, the bullies create a permanent documentary record of posts, pictures, and videos of the person they bully, and that, simply, is not acceptable.

Our job as members of the community is to recognize cyberbullying and its gravity, to teach children how to respect each other, and to make our society accountable for its actions.  Only then, will we be able to allow the young to live in peace just as we have lived in peace.  Otherwise, our future looks very bleak.

Do you know someone who has been cyberbullied?  How did they feel?  What did they say to you?  How did you respond?